So you've got the munchies, and you're tired of paying full price admission at the theater just to be able to buy some fresh, hot, delicious popcorn, and you want to know how to achieve this wholesome goodness at home.
Here are some little-known facts about popcorn:
1. It's nature's most
perfect
food
2. It's delicious AND
nutritious. I read that on a popcorn container at a drive-in
3. Did you know that if
you were stranded on a desert island, you could survive on popcorn
alone
for up to TWO FULL DAYS???
Q: Great tasting
theater-style
popcorn at home? Isn't that a myth?
A: NO!!! I once thought
that too! But read on!
Q: What about microwave
popcorn?
A: You will never touch that
blasphemy again!!!
Q: What about health
concerns?
What about cholesterol and fats and oils?
A: Popcorn cleans your teeth.
Q: Can popcorn improve my
sex
life?
A: Yes.
OK, but how do I achieve this?
First, you need a Whirley-Pop. It does everything they claim: Tender, crispy, fluffy, theater-style popcorn; the super-heating pops every kernel perfect, every time.
Then, you need popping oil. This makes it taste like it does in finer theaters, showing finer movies. Finally, top it off with salt, seasoning, and topping. You'll NEVER leave home!!!
Canadian
readers: Buy the Canadian version here
(thanks dantastic).
European
readers: You guys put sugar on your popcorn anyway.
You wouldn't understand.
Asian
readers: 'Sup???
Mexican
readers: Yo tengo una nariz grande como un perro.
Q: When should I add
the
salt?
A: Good question, and
I commend you for it! You should add it to the oil prior to
popping.
Q: My popcorn is
chewy,
not light and crispy.
A: Resist the strong
temptation
to pop over high heat, like it SAYS IN THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL.
PREHEAT
on MEDIUM for electric stove, set on MEDIUM for gas. You can wait
the extra 30 seconds it takes to pop versus high heat. Jesus.
Q: Can I make kettle
corn
with this?
A: Yes. But that's
gross. Now go away.
Q: I hear coconut oil
is
bad for you.
A: This is a myth of the
liberal media. Besides, the coconut oil linked above is
non-hydrogenated.
You liberals will know what that means.
Q: I did what you
said
and bought a Whirley-Pop, and I just made some really good
popcorn.
Just thought I'd tell you.
A: Excellent. Post
pics if you have them please.
Q: Could you have
made
this site any harder to read?
A: Shut up.
Q: You are awesome,
but
can I go back to The Shack now?
A: Yes.